Self Discovery
Today I made an important discovery about myself.
I can cuss.
Oh yeah, I can. I did not even know I had such a colorful vocabulary.
In fact, I do not even know the meaning of some of the words which miraculously popped out of my mouth.
People I know would be surprised to hear me admitting this sinful admission. Even I’m surprised.
The reason is this.
I do not generally use bad words in my daily conversation. The only bad words I use freely (even that only in front of people I know would not repeat my un-lady like behavior) are s**t, h**l, d**m.
Of course, I use other words like jeepers creepers, holy cow, moron, idiot, stupid, jellybone, doggy and cow dung to substitute other commonly recognized cuss words.
Only this morning I recognized the dark sided me. The behind-the-wheels-me. Yup. I`m finally coming clean. Every morning, from 8.15am to 8.40 am, the evil me takes over.
The guy who overtakes in front of me without putting his signal is not the expected oxy-moron. He becomes the m***********g b*****d.
The normally would be idiot who overtakes suddenly and applies brakes immediately after becomes the s*n of a b***h.
The one who drives like a turtle on the fast lane becomes a*****e.
And if I continue confessing my sins, I will never find redemption.
This situation might not be life threatening to some of you, but imagine this scenario.
Let`s say I’m driving my sweet future mother and father-in-laws to IKEA. And my mom decides to tag along. All is sunny and fine, until a total jack bird decides to scare the creeps out of me by mysteriously appearing in front of my car and applies the sudden brake. Thanks to the powers above, I apply my brake in time to avoid a collision.
But! Being as I am; a normal hot blooded mammal, surely I will say something unpleasant about the gentleman/ or gentle maid in front whose IQ must surely exceed Einstein’s.
If it is “Oh…what a near miss. He/She should be more careful!” I’ll be saved.
What if “M***********g b*****d!” pops out?
What am I to do then?
Now do you understand my predicament?
My only solution? I`m not ever driving my future in-laws anywhere.
I can cuss.
Oh yeah, I can. I did not even know I had such a colorful vocabulary.
In fact, I do not even know the meaning of some of the words which miraculously popped out of my mouth.
People I know would be surprised to hear me admitting this sinful admission. Even I’m surprised.
The reason is this.
I do not generally use bad words in my daily conversation. The only bad words I use freely (even that only in front of people I know would not repeat my un-lady like behavior) are s**t, h**l, d**m.
Of course, I use other words like jeepers creepers, holy cow, moron, idiot, stupid, jellybone, doggy and cow dung to substitute other commonly recognized cuss words.
Only this morning I recognized the dark sided me. The behind-the-wheels-me. Yup. I`m finally coming clean. Every morning, from 8.15am to 8.40 am, the evil me takes over.
The guy who overtakes in front of me without putting his signal is not the expected oxy-moron. He becomes the m***********g b*****d.
The normally would be idiot who overtakes suddenly and applies brakes immediately after becomes the s*n of a b***h.
The one who drives like a turtle on the fast lane becomes a*****e.
And if I continue confessing my sins, I will never find redemption.
This situation might not be life threatening to some of you, but imagine this scenario.
Let`s say I’m driving my sweet future mother and father-in-laws to IKEA. And my mom decides to tag along. All is sunny and fine, until a total jack bird decides to scare the creeps out of me by mysteriously appearing in front of my car and applies the sudden brake. Thanks to the powers above, I apply my brake in time to avoid a collision.
But! Being as I am; a normal hot blooded mammal, surely I will say something unpleasant about the gentleman/ or gentle maid in front whose IQ must surely exceed Einstein’s.
If it is “Oh…what a near miss. He/She should be more careful!” I’ll be saved.
What if “M***********g b*****d!” pops out?
What am I to do then?
Now do you understand my predicament?
My only solution? I`m not ever driving my future in-laws anywhere.
posted by still_figuring_out | 12:07 PM
11 Comments:
a good cuss filter is a handy trick to develop. it's of utmost importance that one cusses deliberately and consciously.
in front of future in-laws is usually not good.
Your only course of action would be to make up words, to replace these anti-inlaws vocabulary. Or, learn how to cuss in a different language
thanks for dropping by, toni.
thaozee, i`m taking your advice to heart...am learning the zulu language even as i type this reply :)
Yes! Teach me too :)
In my out-of-car moments, which comprise the majority of my day, I try to think kindly of people as much as possible. Behind the wheel however? "F**king whore" becomes a favorite, as well as "dumb f**k". I am heartilly ashamed of myself when these things spill from my lips like Turrette's, but man! So many people drive like idiots.
i LOVE coming up with curse alternatives...flippin' is a favorite in exchange for...well you can guess. i also like fark. my aunt has taught her young daughters to say "flowering" (which is just too funny). but the only time i really must curse is when i stub a toe or otherwise injure myself. and though i am prompted to cry over virtually every other emotion, pain is something that makes me CURSE!
It's about fucking time you learned how to swear. Swearing is what separates us from the goddamn animals, except of course for the very rare Northern Reticulated Fuckweasel that inhabits the frigid northlands of Sweden. So, welcome to our fucking shitty-ass team, and we hope to hear a lot more profanities out of you, even if I have to cut you off in traffic just go get you to do it.
Much love,
Fromstein
it happened again today.
*sob* *sob*.
but according to fromstein, it`s high time i learned how to...ah, use unpleasant words...if i do not want to be mistaken for animals ;)
Wait till you become a parent; there is so much more to curse about. It's also around that time that you begin to channel the souls of long dead sailors and must keep that fact under wraps from your kid.
Cars and swearing go together like peanut butter and jelly. Don't fight it. Someone else commented that you can make up words, which I do, but they tend to be amalgams of a bunch of other swear words, so they still sound bad.
[ Self Discovery ]
Wow! You also swear while driving like me..! Wooo hoo! ;)
D**n those f***in idots! =))
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